i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
