true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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