Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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