"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
