saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
