I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
