When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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