y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
