so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
