it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize