Do you still have your period?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
