I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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