yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
