Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
