forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
