he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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