At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
