I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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