there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
