Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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