my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
