How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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