she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
