Capitaan dildo arrescate!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
