Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
