Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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