Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
