Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I party with great urgency now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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