Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
