Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
