She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
