How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
