I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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