My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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