My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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