I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
