I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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