I skipped work to stalk him.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize