9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
