He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
