Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
