I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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