Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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