girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
