if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
