What a fucking waste of an outfit
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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