I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
