we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
