these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
