Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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