I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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