Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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