I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
