Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
