Can i not drive my cunt home
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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