I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
