Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
