i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
where am i from again
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize