Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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