Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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