I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
