The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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