When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
