i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize