I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
