I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
