that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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