I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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