I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
