walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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