At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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