I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
