I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
