just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
