saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
