Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
