how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are a genius and a whore.
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