my phone needs a breathalizer
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
