I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
