girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
