Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
