Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize