So drunk its hurt
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
