a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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