just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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